Friday, April 20, 2007

Phantom A** Syndrome

Note: This is a link-laden post. Follow them! This morning I awoke in the hours between total dark and mostly dark. I blearily looked at the clock, and while the exact time didn't register, I knew it was too early to be up. In my state of semi-consciousness, I realized something was amiss. I went to sleep with a right arm, but now where was it? No tingle, no movement, no reply at all. I began to sit up and heard a *thwump* over to my side. I think it was my arm. Did.not.feel.a.thing. I decided now was not the time to panic, I'd wait a cuppa two tree minutes before commencing to little-girl-finding-a-monster-under-her-bed screaming. I reached over with my functioning left hand and felt a cold, hairy limb in bed with me. I picked it up and laid it across my belly, massaging life back into it. I muzzily wondered if the circulation had been cut off too long and it'd have to be lopped off at the elbow or neck or something. Fortunately, sensation returned quickly so I could go back to sleep. =================== My routine has been thrown off track in the last weeks. In fact, it's off the track, down the hill, and drifting waterlogged in a large inland lake. My early-riser routine accounted for exercise, healthy breakfasts, and substantive posts. My Shrinking Piggies results have taken a hit, and my goal for next week is to actually get up when the alarm rings (after the first snooze, of course. But only one snooze). I had reached a 10-year low in weight, and have put 3 lbs. back on, which is unacceptable. Pass the biking shorts. =================== As has been repeated like the reports of a woodpecker on the trail of some woodmunching bugs, I like to play along. That interview thingie was so much fun, I volunteered to do it again. This time, the brilliant questions are supplied by Renn, who credits a coworker with assistance. Renn gets black letters, because that's how she rolls. My answers are in a fabulous periwinkle. 1. What is your Super Power? Flight. And an incredible capacity for beer. 2. Christmas has Santa, Easter has the Easter Bunny, and Thanksgiving has a Turkey. Create a "mascot" for Labor Day, Arbor Day or the Vernal Equinox. What does (s)he do, and what gifts will we receive? Hmm, tough question. The Labor Day Donkey? Nah, that's taken. The Arbor Day Woodpecker? Ummm, no. How about the Vernal Equinox Chicken? It's said that you can stand an egg on end at noon (as yet unproven by This Reporter). Since it's the longest day, you could continue your celebrations into the late evening on the Weber with your happily exhausted mascot. It's a win-wi... oh, wait. Nevermind. 3. How much money would someone have to pay you to shave off your eyebrows? $354.00 4. How do you quiet the voices in your head? What are they saying right now? They get angry when I try to shush them. I create new voices so they can talk amongst themselves and keep entertained. Trouble happens when they form committees and reach consensus. They're currently saying they wish I hadn't created the Cheney voice, because he's always telling the rest to go fark themselves. 5. If you were in a Big Hair rock band, what would it be called? What would your hit song be? I was in a BHRB called Dreams. We had the hair, the volume, and the rawk, but not the audiences. It died an appropriate death in the stoner guitarist's basement. If I were in one now, it'd be called Wombat. Our hit song would be a power ballad cover of Heywood Banks' Toast.

1 comment:

kenju said...

I love your answers to Renn's questions, especially #'s 2 and 3. LOLOLOL